Has your man lost his mojo?
I know, I know... this is a sensitive topic. Maybe something that's been hanging around like a big giant elephant in the room. He's embarassed and silent. You're wanting to be supportive, to make sure he knows you love him no matter what, and that he's enough exactly like he is. And, you do want to figure things out and restore the physical connection you used to have.
There are so many things that can drive a man to lose his mojo- one of the first places we look is testosterone.
Testosterone is the main "male" hormone that makes men feel like men. I'm not talking here about the stupid caveman depiction of men, I'm talking about the real, glowing, amazing man you fell in love with- confident, sexy, smart, master of his own domain, driven, and strong (in a thousand different ways). (If you're a man reading this... yes- we really DO see you this way, even if we nag you about leaving the toilet seat up or taking your turn to feed the dogs or getting up early with the baby!)
Testosterone has an impact on nearly every tissue in the body. All hormones, including testosterone, do this by binding to receptors on the surfaces of cells. Now, if you think back to high school biology, you probably remember that diagram of the spherical cell with the organelles within it (mitochondria, golgi bodies (always my favorite!) and the nucleus). Well, receptors are like little arms that stick out of the cell membrane to help the cell to sense the world outside of it. Each receptor is specific to what's called a LIGAND. This basically means, what it binds to. The receptor and ligand fit like a lock (the receptor) and key (the ligand). When the lock and the key come together, voila! Magic happens!
In the case of testosterone, the binding triggers a domino effect of changes inside the cells that get the cell to do its job, whether that's growing (like muscle cells) or altering other hormones or DNA!
Within the body, testosterone has a variety of effects including influencing mood, mental clarity, muscle tone, motivation, libido and many, many others. Today, we're going to focus on the major effect is has on #mojo. Now, when I think of #mojo, I mean more than just in the bedroom. Mojo is soooooo much more than that. It's like our fire! our spark! I'm using the term to hold motivation, passion, joie de vie! This DOES include libido and passion for YOU, but for so much more. Passion for others, for creativity, for those things that get him jazzed.
A man without mojo might be going through the motions, but not really "feeling it". In his job, in relationships, even at the gym.
When a man comes into my clinic feeling this way, I might start with testing testosterone. Testosterone should be measured as both total and free. (Total is the total amount in your blood. Free is the 1.5-3% of the testosterone that is swimming around in the blood NOT bound to a carrier protein (called sex hormone binding globulin, or SHBG)). Normal ranges vary by age, but levels under 500 can lead a man, even in his 40's or 50's, to not feel optimal. This can be corrected through lifestyle changes (diet, exercise, sleep), and through supplementation. In severe cases, testosterone replacement therapy can be really helpful, even if just temporarily.
There are other things that can affect a man's mojo that are important to screen out too- is he depressed or anxious? How has his stress level been? Is he sleeping? Is he overindulging on sugar, alcohol, pot, or any other coping "treats"? Is he overdoing the screen time? Could a medication be a factor? Is his nutrition adequate? (This is why you might want to investigate with a naturopathic doctor...) . If you're trying to get pregnant, well.... there's a bit of pressure there, huh? We all can get a bit nervous when asked to perform in any way- sex to make a baby? That's a LOT to have to think about! This is where we get to recommendation #4.
In the end, there are a few places I start with men who've lost their mojo.
1. First, check on nutrition- work to eliminate refined sugar and alcohol from the daily diet. These 2 "foods" not only lack nutrition, but they send blood sugar reeling, and in the long term, that can impact testosterone.
2. Sleep- Late nights? Early mornings? Make sure your man is getting a GOOD amount of shut eye- at least 7 hours nightly, and no more than 2 nights per week with 6 or less hours. More is better- can you swing 8 or 9 or even 10 hours on weekends? Do it!
3. Cultivate the mojo. Make space to develop something you love. Not feeling it right now? That's ok... but diving into a creative venture, or an athletic venture, or ANY goal, really, can help to bring the mojo back. Time to do something you've always thought you couldn't do, especially together- run a triathalon, kick off a podcast, whatever gets you pumped!
4. Stay playful. Here, I'm referring mostly to mojo in the bedroom. We all feel sometimes like we're not enough for our partner. If your sex life has been affected by low testosterone or lost mojo, it can be crushing, especially if you try to shove it under the sheets & don't talk about it. Stay playful instead. Set a date for foreplay only. Make rules that require you to touch each other in new ways, sexy, playful, or just loving ways! Remove the concept of orgasm = goal. or intercourse = goal. Remember that CONNECTION = goal, and there are a thousand ways to build that, with or without nookie!